Do You Wanna Buy A REDcard?

RedCard

*Disclaimer: This post is in no way affiliated with Target, its franchises, or its loyalty program. It is written entirely independently of the company.*

The REDcard–Target’s credit/debit loyalty card–is the plight of team members across the country. Store (and cashier) performance is based heavily on one’s ability to sign people up for the program.

As reality would have it, however, there are a finite number of people on the planet, an even smaller number of individuals with access to a bank account, and an even tinier number of people who regularly shop at Target. Furthermore, a simple class in public relations will illustrate that consumer loyalty is typically constant. In other words, Target is only capable of selling a limited number of its loyalty cards.

This is particularly true in small-town areas (or big cities with small-town atmosphere) in which not only is consumer loyalty stagnant, but even consumers themselves. Even still, a static or falling rate of individual REDcard sales can easily cost team members their employment.

Such was the plight at my location during my time as a Starget (Target-Starbucks) team member. A handful of my co-workers and I put our heads together for this little number, which should be sung to the tune of Frozen’s “Do You Wanna Build A Snowman?”

Do you wanna buy a REDcard?
You don’t really have to pay
I won’t bother you anymore
You’ll leave the store
And be right on your wayyyyy!

I thought you were my buddy
It seems we’re not
I wish you’d give it a tryyyyy.

Do you wanna buy a REDcard?
It doesn’t have to be for credit…
Okay, bye…

Do you wanna buy a REDcard?
Save 5% each time you shop!
I think some loyalty is overdue
We’ve got some deals for you—you’ll never wanna stop!
(App for your phone!)

It gets a little scary
They say they’ll take my job
If I can’t make someone buy
(Just one? Debit, credit? Doesn’t matter!)

[depressing instrumental]

REDcard?

Please, they’re cracking down now,
Corporate is asking where I’ve been.
They say “sell REDcards” and I’m trying to
It all depends on you, so are you in?
I must start searching for another
Job somewhere else.
What am I gonna do?

Do you wanna buy a REDcard?

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