26 Signs You’re a Chastity Educator

The things you do for the youth.

1. The word “abstinence” makes you cringe.
2. Your (not-so-secret) love is Theology of the Body.
3. Sometimes you forget that other people are uncomfortable talking about anal sex in public.
4. Duct tape makes you think of oxytocin.
5. You actually think syphilis is kind of cool.
6. Popular depictions of virgins make you want to throw a brick at someone’s face.
7. You’re constantly resisting the urge to shout things like, “Your body has dignity!” after people who are scantily clad.
8. You’ve printed out Fight the New Drug‘s Fighter Pledge and posted it on your wall.
9. The phrase “safe sex” is such a glaring contradiction that you lose hope in people when they buy into it.
10. The idea of practicing NFP is thrilling.
11. When people try to dismiss the seriousness of porn, you dismiss their sanity.
12. You get way too enthusiastic when talking about how great married sex is.
13. Word choice is even more critical to maintaining a focused audience than in any other form of youth ministry.
14. More teenagers know about your sexual history than your favorite color.
15. Although, a substantial number of teens do know your favorite color.
16. You can spew STD facts like it’s nobody’s business.
17. JPII, Chris West, Jason and Crystalina Evert, and Matt Fradd are your homies.
18. You know all too well the awkwardness of seeing a student outside of class and not knowing how to interact with them because all you’ve ever talked to them about is sex.
19. You can trace most of the world’s problems back to a misunderstanding of the word “love,” and to the Sexual Revolution.
20. Speaking of the Sexual Revolution…WHAT ON EARTH WAS ALL THAT?!
21. You consider discussing cervical mucus to be a professional conversation.
22. The same is true of masturbation.
23. Reading this list is not making you uncomfortable.
24. You are incredibly mentally prepared to give “the Talk” to your own kids one day. (Emotions are a different story.)
25. Based on your search history, the NSA probably thinks you’re a raging sex addict.
26. People think you’re crazy for talking about sex for a living, but wouldn’t have it any other way.